Catching Hell (Complete Collection) Page 11
“I want you to be mine. I want to keep you with me all the time, and I want to claim you as my territory. That’s what I want, but I know that’s not what you want. I thought it had to be an all-or-nothing situation. I was sure I couldn’t stand back and share you with my brothers-in-arms, so I figured it was better not to have any of you at all if I couldn’t have all of it.”
I nodded. “I got the gist of this the day you rejected me.”
He winced, but didn’t respond to that. “Seeing you yesterday in that fucker’s arms, that knife against your throat, I realized I’d rather have part of you than none of you. I’ve never been the kind of guy who shares my woman, but if that’s what it takes to have any of you, I’m willing to share you with Shane and Jamar.”
I hesitated, uncertain how to reply for a moment. I wanted him. I really wanted him and had since the beginning, but I wasn’t sure he could handle the situation. There’d been some adjustment between Shane and Jamar, but we’d all settled into a shared relationship with surprising ease. That was because we all wanted it and were open-minded enough to work out the kinks.
I just wasn’t certain he could really let go of his need to own me, to keep me as his woman exclusively. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Han, but I need to make sure we’re really on the same page. I don’t play favorites. If we get involved, in a way you’re also entering a relationship with Shane and Jamar.”
He frowned. “They’re fucking each other?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not like that, but it’s also more than fucking. We’re involved emotionally, and that means you have to think of them as much as you think of me. Whether it’s your turn in my bed, or we’re all together at the same time, it’s a group effort, and we’re a team. I can’t and won’t choose or try to treat one of you better than the others. Can you promise me you won’t turn it into a pissing contest, where you’re trying to claim me and steal me away from the other two men I lo…am involved with?”
I wasn’t quite ready to use the “L” word. I hadn’t even broached the topic with Shane or Jamar themselves, so I couldn’t tell Han before I told them I was reasonably certain I was heading down that path, if I hadn’t arrived there already.
He gritted his teeth. “I can promise to try. That’s all I can do. This is hard for me. I had seven brothers and sisters, and I had to share every damn thing I ever had until I left to join the Corps. I never thought in a million years sharing would include my woman. But I’m trying. I’m trying because I want to be with you, and I want you to be happy. I want Shane and Jamar to be happy too. I care about all of you, but I’m not fucking either one of them.” He added the last part with a slight twitch of his lips.
I grinned at him, pushing aside my reservations. I wasn’t certain it would work out, and if it didn’t, it could lead to disaster that split the group, but life was too short, especially now, to ignore the opportunity and continue denying both of us what we really wanted, which was each other.
“Let’s give it a shot.” I bit my lip, torn between the urge to throw myself in his arms and enjoy another one of those earthshattering kisses, and the need to discuss this with Shane and Jamar first. Decency went out over desire, and I took a regretful step back. “I need to talk to them first.”
He seems surprised. “I thought you were open or whatever you call the relationship term?”
I shrugged. “I’m not exactly sure what you’d call this kind of relationship. It’s not like we’re fucking just anyone. We’re monogamous with each other, and I need to talk to them before you and I become lovers. I’m not asking their permission, but I want to make sure they know about the change in status. It’s only right.”
I remembered how hurt and jealous Shane had been when I talked to him after sleeping with Jamar instead of beforehand, and that was before we started to become emotionally involved on a deeper level. They didn’t have the right to tell me I couldn’t introduce Han to the equation, but they had the right to leave the relationship if they chose to and didn’t want to head this direction. It was a risk, but I figured it was better to talk to them first before giving in to the compulsions pulsing inside me. “I’ll find you after I’ve talked to them, okay?”
He seemed like he wanted to argue, but instead his shoulders slumped, and he let out a sigh. “Are you going to go find them now?”
I wasn’t sure if it was because he was so eager to have me, or he just wanted me to stop my workout, because he was fussing over me like I was a little old lady. “After I finish my run.”
His lips clamped into a disapproving line. “You’re too stubborn.”
I winked at him. “Coming from you, I consider that a compliment, babe.” I returned to the track and started running again as Han stretched before joining me. I was pleased I was keeping up with him much better than I used to, and though he passed me a couple of times, we were mostly running side-by-side. That was all I could ask for in this crazy world.
Chapter Three
I didn’t get a chance to talk to Shane and Jamar until bedtime. There’d always been something going on, or we hadn’t been together in the same room. It wasn’t exactly dinner conversation I could bring up with Han and Wesley sitting right there, so I’d chosen to wait. Now, after our nightly round of loving, I laid between them, feeling sated and slightly exhausted.
It was as though they’d had to make up for missing last night, because they had put me through the paces and then some. They looked equally blissed out and exhausted, and I hoped it was a good time to broach the subject.
I licked my lips. “I have something to talk to you to about.”
“What’s that, sugar?” asked Jamar, sounding sleepy.
“You remember when our relationship started, I was interested in Han too? At the time, he told me he couldn’t share, so I gave up on the idea. I’ve been happy with just the two of you, but Han told me today he wants to try sharing me as well. I wanted to see how you both felt about putting Han into the mix.”
They both stiffened, and their previous contentment faded abruptly. Jamar, usually the voice of reason, had a calm tone when he replied, “I don’t know. I don’t like the idea of sharing you. It was hard enough to do it with Shane, and we have a good thing going here.”
I nodded my agreement. He wasn’t wrong at all. We did have a good thing, that whether or not it was selfish on my part, I couldn’t help thinking Han would make an even better thing. I hadn’t been pining for him or consoling myself with the two men I was with while waiting for the guy I really wanted.
If that had been the case, I would have dropped Shane and Jamar when Han issued the ultimatum of all or nothing. I just knew there was a little something missing, and it was inside me. I needed all three of them to feel whole and complete, but I couldn’t figure out how to verbalize that without sounding like I was trying to diminish Shane and Jamar’s roles in my life.
“I don’t like it either,” said Shane. “He made his choice, and now he thinks he can just change his mind weeks after we’ve established our routine?”
I licked my lips, trying to proceed delicately. “It was because I was injured yesterday. He realized how much I mean to him, and it helped him understand that he’d rather have part of me than none of me.”
I took both their hands in mine. “I’d like to think you both know that when I’m with you, you get all of me. It’s not a case of part of me. Han doesn’t understand that yet, but I’m hoping he would if he joins us. I have plenty of attention for all three of you, and I never want to leave any of you feeling like you didn’t get all of me.”
Jamar let out a soft sigh. “Sugar, when you put it like that, how can I tell you no? I don’t feel like you love me any less or need me any less just because you need Shane too. As long as Han can adapt, I’m willing to give it a try.”
I turned to look at Shane after squeezing Jamar’s hand, knowing he was the holdout. I could see he was conflicted, and I held my breath as I awaited his response.
I squeezed his hand, bringing it to my mouth to brush my lips against his knuckles. “It will make me happy, I think, but I want you to be happy too. I want all of you to be happy.”
His expression softened. “I am happy, and I’m sure Jamar feels the same way. I’m just afraid of upsetting the balance we have here. I don’t want you to fall for him and leave us.”
I shook my head, clinging to both their hands. “I would never leave either one of you. I’m not substituting him for you, and I haven’t been biding my time while I waited for him to come around to my way of thinking. Until today, I had given up on the idea of a relationship with Han. You don’t need to feel like you’ve been second-best or a filler while I waited for him.”
He looked startled by the idea. “I never thought that at all.”
I let out a small breath of relief as Jamar cupped my hip, rubbing his thumb lightly down my flank. “I never felt that way either, sugar.”
I snuggled closer to them, feeling better about the situation. Shane, Jamar, and I were on the same page. I just had to make sure Han was as well. So far, he’d been reading from a completely different book, and it was going to be the hardest adjustment for him out of the four of us. I hoped I was worth it to him, because I was certain he would be worth the introduction of angst and more complications once they were all sorted out.
I woke early again the next morning and made my way to the running track. I was unsurprised to find Han there already, tearing up track with his feet as he ran full tilt. It was an impressive sight, especially since he’d stripped off his shirt, and my stomach churned with excitement. I was finally going to make love with Han. I’d never expected this to happen, and I wanted the first time to be just the two of us. It had been that way for Shane and Jamar, and I meant it when I’d said I was approaching this in a fair and balanced way. I wanted to make sure the men were as satisfied and happy with the arrangement as I was.
He slowed his jog to match my pace when I joined him on the track, but we didn’t speak as we ran. We exchanged heated glances, and halfway through, I paused to strip off my own tank top, tossing it toward his. I continued running in shorts and a bra, aware of his hungry gaze watching every bounce of my breasts.
We didn’t have a set goal in mind, and we just ran. I don’t know how many laps we did, because I didn’t count for a change. I was too caught up in looking at him and speaking without words.
Abruptly, halfway through the lap, he pulled me into his arms and pushed me against the wall more roughly than I’d expected. Fortunately, it was padded and absorbed the impact easily without hurting me. Before I could say anything, he pinned me against him, his hands going into my hair. He pulled impatiently at the pins I’d used to keep the bun up, spilling my dark strands around both of us. “I love your hair. I’ve keep dreaming about wrapping it around my hand and holding you with your mouth against my cock as you suck me off.”
There was an edge of command to his words, and I found myself sinking to my knees, eager to fulfill his fantasy and finding the idea of him telling me what to do a turn-on. I wasn’t sure I’d always want him to boss me around, but it felt good at the moment, as long as he didn’t try to take it too far.
His gym shorts slipped down easily, and his cock sprang free. It was thick and erect, straining upward as though seeking out my mouth on its own accord. I bent my head to roll my tongue around the tip, hearing him moan as his hand in my hair tightened. A moment later, he tugged me forward using my hair. It was a little uncomfortable, but it was surprisingly sexy too.
It increased my own arousal to have him directing me to take his cock into my mouth, not too slowly and not too fast. He felt every inch when I engulfed him, and we both moaned when he was as deep inside me as he could go. I wrapped my hand around the base, bridging the distance between what could fit in my mouth and what couldn’t, and began to bob my head as I sucked him. His hand remained firmly twined in my hair, and he pushed my head forward gently with each thrust of his hips. He clearly liked to be in control, and I was okay with that, at least in the bedroom. It was surprisingly erotic to be at someone else’s command.
I continued to please him, swirling my tongue and sucking as his cock started to twitch. I prepared myself for his cum, but instead he pulled away from me. He didn’t release my hair, but he used his other hand to cup his erection and press on the underside of the tip, clearly holding back his orgasm.
I shivered with anticipation when he dropped to his knees before me, hands in my hair as he dragged my mouth closer to his. It was another one of those ravenous kisses, the kind that consumed and burned brightly, stealing all my oxygen and replacing it with pure heat that pooled in my abdomen and spread lower. If I could come from kissing, it would have been a kiss like that.
When he broke away, he wasn’t breathing harshly, though I was. His lips moved down my face, pausing to nibble at my neck before sucking some of my flesh between his teeth. I was certain to have a hickey, and I suspected that was deliberate on his part. He wanted to leave a mark on me, to show I was his.
Maybe I should have been concerned, afraid of it being a sign of ownership, but at the moment, it was just damn sexy. Feeling the need to do the same, I stretched forward and bit his shoulder hard enough to leave teeth imprints, though I didn’t draw blood. He growled low in his throat, and I wasn’t certain if he was angered or turned on by my response. Just to be sure, I bit him again.
Suddenly, I was flat on my back on the mat, and he was looming over me with a wild look in his eyes. He clearly needed me right then, and it sent a shiver through me. I did want to be needed, and though I preferred to be needed for more than my bedroom skills, I was fine with that being at the top of his list at the moment. I needed him too.
He kicked off his gym shorts, and I lifted my hips to help him remove mine as well. His fingers were on the rough side, but he didn’t hurt me. He was just driven by the need to have me, and the hunger was probably even worse for him, because he’d gone several months without having sex.
But this was more than sex. This was consecrating our union, sealing the agreement we’d made.
He parted my thighs and surged inside me, and though I’d had no preparation, not even his fingers stroking my clit first, I was wet and ready for him. I locked my thighs around him and held him close as he began to thrust in and out of me in a rapid pace. He was making a harsh sound with each plunge inside me, and his breathing was erratic. He reminded me of a raging bull. If I’d had any fear of him, it would have come to the forefront then.
I found nothing but the same raw hunger, and my fingers fumbled when I opened the front clasp of my bra, finally getting the hook undone to let my breasts spill free.
He made that sexy growling sound again as his gaze feasted on my breasts for a moment before his head lowered. He took one in a rough kiss, sucking hard before flicking his tongue over the tip of my nipple. I arched my back and writhed against him, lifting my hips to meet his frantic pace. He was filling me to the point of almost too much, but it was hitting all the right places inside me, ratcheting up my arousal and bringing me closer to the edge of coming with each thrust.
He turned his rough attention to my other breast, biting me gently before moving his tongue to trace a circle around my nipple before latching on lightly with his teeth and tugging. Knowing it would make him lose control, I strained to reach him, managing to sink my teeth into his shoulder. He jerked and growled again, and his hips moved even more rapidly.
I’d probably be sore from this rough fucking later, but I couldn’t regret it now. It was amazing and sent me over the edge into climax. A keening sound escaped me, and I couldn’t seem to shut it off as I came, my sheath twitching and convulsing around him for what felt like the longest orgasm of my lif
e. Though it couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds, it was so intense that it felt like years.
With a hoarse grunt, he plunged as deeply inside me as he could get when his own orgasm washed over him. His shaft twitched inside me, and then the first spurts of his release filled me. He seemed to come forever too, though I knew time was simply distorted by pleasure.
Afterward, we rolled apart, but still lay together side-by-side on the mat. I was breathing deeply, and might breasts were literally heaving. It made me giggle.
He turned his head to look at me, surprise and confusion evident his expression. “You found that funny?”
I shook my head. “No, I was just thinking I have heaving bosoms. I could be in one of those pirate romances.”
He shook his head, clearly not as amused as me. “Did I hurt you?”
I took a moment to evaluate my physical state, noting there was some discomfort in my pussy, and my nipple throbbed where he’d bitten it. “A little, but in a good way. Did I hurt you?” My gaze dropped to the bites visible on his neck and shoulder. I must have gotten pretty deep, because I could still see the purple teeth marks, though there was no blood.
“Yeah, but in a good way,” he repeated. “You should know biting makes me hot. I like to Maybe it was supposed to be a warning, but I just filed it away for future reference. Most of the time, I preferred gentle and slow, but sometimes, I liked a good, rough fuck as much as the next woman.
“Now what? Do I move into your room too?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “You should do what feels right. If you want to join us, we can put another mattress in there. We could squeeze in a twin and make it a super king-size. If you’d rather stay in your own bunk and keep you and me separate from and me, Shane, and Jamar, at least for now, that’s fine too. As long as you’re not in denial about the fact that I’m also involved with them, we can make this work. What do you want to do?”
He hesitated for a moment. “I need some time before I’m ready to see the reality of sharing you with them. Is that all right?”