Losing Leah Page 11

  Chapter Nine

  During the next few days, Nikos seemed to throw himself into the task of distracting her from the loss. When she was physically recovered, he took her to all her favorite places. The Museum of Modern Art filled one entire day, as did a visit to the New York Botanical Garden.

  The distractions did help take her mind off the miscarriage, but did nothing to help her with the dilemma of loving her husband. Nikos was so sweet and protective, hiding his own hurt to help her cope, that it proved impossible not to fall even more deeply in love with him.

  Over lunch at 21 Club, she couldn’t stop staring at him. He carried on an easy conversation, but the slight purple discoloration under his eyes spoke of sleep deprivation, and the lines around his mouth hinted at the sadness still clinging to him.

  Impulsively, she put her hand over his. “Thank you.”

  He quirked a brow. “For what?”

  “You’ve made it your personal mission to distract me from thinking about… the loss. I know it must have been hell to rearrange your schedule so you could take more time off so soon after the vacation.”

  Nikos frowned. “I have no idea. I told my assistant to cancel everything. It might have been difficult for him, but I do not care. You are my first priority.”

  A surge of liquid warmth seemed to melt her heart. The tears she’d managed to suppress that day threatened to fall. Leah blinked them back, determined to comfort Nikos now. “I can imagine it’s been difficult for you to suppress your emotions in order to see to my needs.” Her voice softened. “I know you wanted the baby very much.”

  He paled slightly. “Yes.” Nikos cleared his throat, but his voice still sounded thick. “I wanted a little girl who looked just like you.”

  Her lips trembled with the effort to hold the tears in check. “That’s funny.”

  Nikos frowned. “Why?”

  “I wanted a little boy with your features.” She squeezed her eyes shut to keep from crying, unable to tell him the idea had lurked in the back of her mind that if their son resembled Nikos, she would always have something to remember him by after the marriage dissolved.

  “Have you given any thought to what you will do now?” His words expressed curiosity, but the tone revealed the question went much deeper.

  Leah shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “You could stay with me.” His grip on her hand tightened almost imperceptibly. “Just for a while, even, until you figure out what you want to do.”

  Leah hesitated, having no plan. The miscarriage had consumed her thoughts to the point that she’d never even contemplated what she would do now that she didn’t have to stay with Nikos.

  “Stay as long as you want.”

  “Thank you.” It probably wasn’t a wise decision. The longer she stayed with him, the deeper she’d love him, making it that much harder to leave. It would also hurt more. She should leave soon, lest she stay permanently in their crippled marriage. Nikos as he was now was too easy to love, but she still had to reconcile his previous actions with the man he appeared to be before she could decide to remain his wife.

  Nikos had to return to work a couple of days later, and Leah immersed herself in setting up the garden and greenhouse. She chose plants that would thrive in cooler weather by the time they matured, along with planting more delicate items in the greenhouse.

  The simple acts of gardening proved more therapeutic than any counselor, so she ignored the referral Dr. Anderson had provided. The repetitive motions and the feel of the silky soil in her hands eased the loss, and she gradually spent less time thinking about the baby and what could have been.

  That left more time for thinking about their relationship, and she continuously rehashed all her thoughts. Leah tried to plan for the future. She made lists and considered her options, but Nikos was a fixture in each scenario.

  Several days later, over the spinach salads and plates of clam linguine left by the cook, Leah said, “I went to City College today.”

  Nikos paused in the act of reaching for a glass of wine. “Oh?”

  She strove to sound casual. “I looked at their botany department and spoke with an advisor. She gave me a packet of information. I think I’ll register for classes next week.”

  Nikos nodded. “That sounds like a good idea.”

  Leah analyzed his expression, but he revealed nothing. “You think so?”

  “Yes.” He took a sip of wine. “It gives you something to do during the day.”

  “I’m not sure I have the time.”

  His brow furrowed. “Why not?”

  She shrugged. “I have a mountain of things to tend to from the various charities I inherited from Ione. With the vacation, and then subsequent events, I haven’t done anything in ages.”

  Nikos swallowed a bite of pasta before replying. “None of that matters. I can hire someone to deal with it.”

  She frowned. “What? You nixed that idea when we first got married.”

  His eyes reflected warmth as he regarded her solemnly. “That isn’t your passion, but I didn’t take time to find out what was. I denied you the things you needed and wanted for too long. I want you to enjoy what you do. With Arianna away at college, you have more free time, and you should devote it to pursuits that pique your interest.”

  Leah took a deep breath, garnering her courage. What she wanted was a bad idea, but she couldn’t talk herself out of the desire. “I have some free time at nights too.” Her voice emerged huskily, with a sultry tone she hadn’t intended.

  He paused in the act of swallowing for a second. “Indeed?”

  The gleaming cutlery became the focus of her attention when she found it too difficult to meet his gaze. “I have some ideas to pass the time.”

  He made a rough sound, low in his throat, and dropped the fork he’d been holding. “Such as?”

  She found the courage to look up at him and squirmed under the intensity of his gaze. This had been a better idea when she’d rehearsed it earlier this afternoon. Leah cleared her throat with a gulp of wine. “I want you.” She removed the napkin from her lap and devoted meticulous care to folding it into a perfect square. The sound of his chair moving didn’t make her look up, but she did when he came to her side, taking the napkin from her and throwing it carelessly onto the center of the table.

  Without protest, she let him take her hand to assist her from the chair. It was ridiculous to feel shy, but she did. Leah tried to look down, but his hands framed her face to prevent the motion. She licked her dry lips, and he groaned.

  Nikos lowered his head, his tongue tracing the path hers had just taken. His mouth devoured hers, but she was just as hungry, matching his need. Almost mindlessly, she tugged at his shirt, anxious to feel his skin against hers.

  A harsh breath left him when he tore his mouth from hers, appearing to gulp for air. “Are you certain this is safe?”

  Leah nodded. “I read the literature the hospital sent home. I can have sex whenever I feel up to it.” She smiled. “I feel up to it, and I’m not the only one,” she added, brushing her hand against his trousers.

  With a sound between a growl and a grunt, Nikos lifted her into his arms. She clung to him, laying her head on his shoulder. “A girl could get used to this,” she whispered in his ear before planting a soft kiss again his jaw.

  “I could also get used to holding you in my arms.”

  He sounded so serious, and she attempted to lighten the moment. “That wouldn’t be very practical. You’d never get any work done.”

  “To hell with work and the Andrakis Corporation.” Nikos angled his body to push open the bedroom door and strode across the room to deposit her on the bed before returning to close it.

  Her eyes widened at his words, but she didn’t let herself read much into it. It was probably just a spontaneous response to their conversation, motivated by his arousal. There was no way he considered her more important than the family business now that she was no longer pregnant with his child.


  Nikos returned to her, and they shed their clothes, each with the other’s assistance. He was careful and gentle, moving slowly, as though she would break. It was sweet, but also maddening.

  As the minutes passed, and she grew increasingly frustrated, Leah finally seized control. “Enough.”

  Nikos lifted his head from her breast. “Are you in pain?”

  She nodded, and an expression of alarm contorted his features. “I’m in pain with needing you. Please stop torturing me.”

  Nikos frowned. “I want to be gentle, agapi mou.”

  Leah shook her head. “I don’t want that. I just want you.” Seeing his resistance to the idea by the set of his shoulders and the firm line of his mouth, she wiggled out from his embrace. He rolled onto his side, reaching for her as she got up.

  Seizing the moment, Leah leaned across the bed to push on his shoulders, rotating him to his back. His eyes were wide with surprise, but he didn’t fight as she pinned him to the bed to straddle him. He could reverse their positions with little effort, but she enjoyed the illusion of being in control.

  Leah bent her head to trace her tongue across one of his nipples, giving him the same torture he’d dispensed. Nikos gripped her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh almost to the point of pain, when she sucked the nub into her mouth.

  “Leah, you are playing with fire.”

  She looked up at him from the veil of her lashes as she slid farther down his body. Nikos’s eyes widened when she brought her mouth close to his manhood. Leah ignored his head shaking, saying, “How hot can you burn, syzygos?” She grinned at his look of surprise when she said the Greek word for husband. “I’ve had some free time, so I started that language program on your computer.”

  “Your husband is pleased.”

  “Not yet.” She gave him a wicked grin. “But soon.”

  Nikos stiffened when she took him inside her mouth. Inexperienced at the task, it was more difficult than she had imagined, but Leah persevered, reveling in being the one to make Nikos shudder and tremble underneath her.

  He must have reached the bounds of his self-control, because Nikos moved quickly, pushing her away from him. “Go no further, or I will not be responsible for what happens. I want to be inside you.”

  She nodded, understanding how he felt. The things he did with his mouth could be heaven, but she preferred to climax with him inside her. Leah repositioned herself, taking Nikos inside. He gripped her hips, and she tangled her fingers into the light dusting of hair on his chest. They moved together, finding release sometime later. Time lost meaning when they were together.

  Afterward, they showered together and finally returned to the bed with the intention of sleeping. Leah curled against him, letting her eyes drift closed as sleep crept over her.

  “Leah?”

  She murmured a sleepy, “Hmm?”

  “Does this mean you are staying with me?”

  The childish urge to squeeze her eyes shut seized her. She hoped he would interpret her lack of an answer as her being asleep. How could she answer the question when she hadn’t figured that out yet?

  Nikos listened to Leah snore softly, pleased she was resting, but a little envious. He had lain beside her for at least an hour, but sleep wouldn’t come. Finally, reluctant to release her, he moved away from her and out of the bed. If he couldn’t sleep, he might as well not sleep while getting some work done.

  In a robe, he padded barefoot to the study, turning on the PC. As it started up, he opened the bottom drawer of the desk to replenish the printer paper and froze. The stack of books he’d bought about pregnancy were in the drawer, where he’d shoved them the first day they’d come home.

  His heart tugged painfully as he lifted them from the drawer, one by one, and stacked them on the printer table. It pained him that there wouldn’t be a little Leah running through the house. With their future so unsettled, he couldn’t be certain they would ever have a child together. That was nearly as heartbreaking as losing their baby.

  It crossed his mind that they hadn’t used protection tonight, but he shook his head. It was unlikely she had gotten pregnant again, but if she had, he wouldn’t use that as a way to keep her with him. As much as he wanted Leah to stay his wife, he didn’t want it to be against her will. He wanted her to love him completely. Why it was so important wasn’t something he wanted to contemplate.

  Nikos rose from the chair to take the books and hide them in a cabinet filled with business books Leah would be unlikely to want to read. He didn’t want her stumbling across the books as he had, experiencing the painful reminder of what might have been.

  After stowing the books, he returned to his desk and opened his email. Nikos spent the next hour working steadily through the electronic missives, many of them frantic messages from his assistant regarding a business deal that was on the verge of collapsing.

  He leaned back in his chair, considering his options. The sensible thing to do was to fly to London and secure the deal himself. The thought of leaving Leah, especially as vulnerable as she still was, had him rejecting the notion. In an unaccustomed move, Nikos typed a terse message instructing his assistant to go to London and close the deal. If he wasn’t able to, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. The Andrakis Corporation was stable and secure for Arianna if and when she was ready to take it over.

  Thinking of his niece brought him back to thoughts of Leah. Their lovemaking had lightened his heart, but he couldn’t be completely optimistic that she had decided to stay with him. The sex between them was amazing, but it might not be a good enough foundation on which to build a true marriage.

  He continued sorting his email as he considered ways to convince her to stay. Still lacking any epiphany, Nikos froze and leaned forward when he saw an email from Maia Papadas. His stomach tightened as he reluctantly clicked on the email.

  Nikos snorted with disgust at the obscene picture she had sent. The attached message was almost as unsettling. Enjoy the view. I will soon be in New York, and you can look AND touch. I look forward to when we are together again, now that you have no reason to stay married.

  His eyes narrowed as he reread the message. It was clear she had known about the baby, and that Leah had lost it. How could she know such intimate details? The only plausible explanation was someone had been giving her information. But whom?

  Nikos hit “Reply” and stared at the blinking cursor, finding he couldn’t muster a response. The things he wanted to write shouldn’t be said to anyone, even her. With a sigh, he closed the reply box, but didn’t delete the email. He would have to deal with it soon, but couldn’t tonight. The need for sleep was finally catching up to him, and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed, hold his wife, and slumber.

  The next morning over breakfast, Leah found it surprisingly easy to maintain a friendly camaraderie with Nikos. To her relief, he hadn’t repeated the question that she couldn’t answer. He had set the tone, keeping the conversation light and centered on neutral topics. If not for the slight soreness between her legs, she might not have believed they had made love so passionately just the night before.

  As they neared the end of the meal, his phone rang for the fourth time. Nikos started to silence it as he had previously, but she shook her head. “You don’t have to avoid answering for my sake. Whoever it is obviously needs to talk to you.”

  Nikos nodded and spent a few minutes on the phone, growing progressively more annoyed. The conversation was in Greek, but she could see he was frustrated with something. When he hung up, Nikos cursed. “I have to go to London. My assistant is incapable of the simplest tasks, it seems.”

  Her heart stuttered, but she strove to keep from betraying her negative reaction to the news. “How long will you be?”

  He shrugged. “I have no idea.” Nikos eyed her, clearing thinking. “Come with me.”

  She frowned. “What would I do in London?”

  “You’ll have no shortage of activities. I can’t be with you during the day, but I shou
ld be at your disposal most evenings.” He lifted her hand, bringing it to his mouth to kiss her fingertips. “I could use a companion for the business dinners I’ll have to endure.”

  Leah shook her head. “You won’t need me for that.”

  “Perhaps not, but I do need you, and I want you to come with me.” He leaned closer. “Have you been to Kew Gardens?”

  With a shake of her head, she said, “I’ve never been to London.”

  “Now is the perfect time.”

  She hesitated, torn between the desire to go and the more prudent course of staying behind. A few days with him in such a setting would only make it harder to figure out what she was going to do. With a sigh, she opened her mouth to refuse, but found herself saying, “When do we leave?”

  Chapter Ten

  Their five days in London had been wonderful, just what she had needed to shake off most of her lingering grief. Leah would always think of her child with sadness and longing, but it now seemed possible to move forward and be happy again. While wandering the sites of London, including Kew Gardens, she had come to the tentative decision that she wanted to move forward with Nikos.

  They celebrated their homecoming with glasses of wine by the fireplace, though it was too warm for a fire, followed by a night of lovemaking. When she woke the next morning, Nikos had already left, but he had warned her the night before he had an early meeting.

  She stretched, working out all the kinks from the previous night. A hot shower left her refreshed, and she padded downstairs in her bare feet after dressing in a casual palazzo pantsuit. The maid brought breakfast to her in the dining room, and Leah finished every bite. Her appetite had returned while in London, though she had found some of the available cuisine unappetizing. On the other hand, she could go for another round of the greasy fish and chips, wrapped in the stereotypical newspaper, she had enjoyed several times at the stand just blocks from their hotel.